I only did this once. I still feel shame over it. I still don’t know what came over me.
What I know, though, is that I will never buy them again. Not ever. It’s too dangerous.
It isn’t my fault. I’d heard of them but never even thought about buying them. Then one day, I opened the refrigerator and on the top door shelf was a little individually wrapped Oreo Fudgee. I don’t know who put it there. I think maybe it snuck in when no one was looking. But I wanted something sweet and it was staring at me, so I ate it.
That should have been the end. And it would have been, except I found myself one day standing in the cookie aisle, staring down an entire package of Fudgees. I don’t know how it happened, but somehow, they ended up in my cart … and then in my cupboard.
But they weren’t in the cupboard long. No, sir! They quickly came right out of there and jumped into my mouth! Those little buggers just wouldn’t take no for an answer until half of them transferred from bag to belly.
In two days, the entire package was empty and I wasn’t. That should have been the end of it. That should have been the worst.
But it wasn’t.
I bought more.
I ate half the bag.
I screwed my courage to the sticking place and threw the rest in the trash.
It stayed there for a few hours. I had good intentions. I tried. I really did.
But I realized that the cookies were safely inside the plastic packaging, which was still sitting at the very top of the trash can. They hadn’t touched anything but the inside of that package. They were still clean.
Gingerly, I reached down into the garbage can and lifted the blue bag of cookies. I dumped the cookies from the soiled package into a clean plastic container.
And then I ate the rest.